Does it ever go away? Seriously, to all the fellow baby loving, smooching, cooing, snuggling baby obsessed fellow people out there – does the baby fever ever end?
Ive wanted to be a mother since I was Palmers age. I have journals and lists of baby names dating back to elementary school. I truly thought I was my little sisters second mother (and still do). I was born to be a mama. Sure my patience gets tested and I long for bed time some nights, but those nights are rare for me. I enjoy the chaos, the sticky hands, and tornado like living room that is little kids.
According to a 2015 report from the USDA, “Expenditures on Children by Families,” the average cost of raising a child is over $245,000 — and that number doesn’t include college tuition. This number also only calculates to age 18. So, I gasp a little wondering if we can fund 750,000 dollars worth of child rearing – GULP!
I see moms and dads posting on social media about how they feel “Complete.” I don’t know if I will ever feel that way. Im baby obsessed – I love the coo’s, the snuggles, the smell, the soft skin, and the swell in my heart and the tears in my eyes when I see a baby. I swear my ovaries scream “Regain control Erin” when I spot a baby in public. Its a magnetic pull that I have to not abandon my shopping and to strike up a conversation with a stranger in public who is holding a baby or little one. So the notion of feeling “complete” baffles me. Because if I am being 100% honest – I don’t know that I will ever feel that way. I secretly want to be a Angelina and Brad and have ALL. THE. BABIES. You think I am kidding? Nope, not in the slightest. I would love to be the Lady in the Shoe with so many kids she didn’t know what to do.
But, thats not realistic. I don’t have millions of dollars to support said 5,000 babies so at what point do I trade in “Complete” for practical? I sit here typing choking back tears at the thought that baby Grayson, our second, could be our last. Yet, I feel some peace in knowing that if we stop at 2 kids, we can keep our current vehicles our current home and be able to support them financially with me working part time. I also feel guilty even thinking about baby 3 – and it took me a few weeks to even gain the courage to post this because I am thankful beyond belief that my body nourished and birthed these children. I don’t want anyone to ever think that I take for granted how easily I was able to have these 2 boys. So sometimes I find myself not talking to mom friends about my struggle with a potential baby 3 because so many families just want 1.
I believe every parent wants to provide nice things for their child. You want to provide more and better for your children than you had. I want to be the type of parent that I had – I don’t ever remember being told no – that I couldn’t participate in a sport, or have a new toy, or go on a trip. I want to be that parent to the boys (Within reason of course). I want to fund their college education, if they choose to attend. I want to say without hesitation that I will help with their wedding costs and not worry about how I will make that happen. I want to pack up on a whim and go on a weekend trip, just because. I want to take yearly vacations that become tradition and not have to worry about the money.
Yet, theres a part of me that has enjoyed the restful nights (for the most part), the ability to go more places in public and stay out longer, sit back and watch, not be tied to a nap schedule freedom that aging kids bring.
So, here comes my inner debate. Every day its lurking in the back of my mind – Do we stop or have another? I know if we had another we could somehow make it work. We’d cut back and finagle things so that our child would be cared for, but is that fair? Is it fair that because their mother is a baby loving maniac that Palmer and Grayson may not be able to have as much because I can’t control my love of babies?
Want to talk about conflicted? Yes, thats me currently. So, I go back and forth second to minute to hour. So, I guess I pose this post to the reader. Did you get that sense of “Complete?” Did you have to stop because it is the practical, adult like, financially sound decision? Am I the only mama out there wondering if I will ever be ok with no more babies?
Would love to hear your thoughts!
Xoxo from your baby crazed friend,
PS someone buy Parks some beer, this calm guy deals with me and my baby debate daily. He’s a saint!